Walden

i started to re-read walden again... thoreau is amazing. 3 pages in, and there are so so many quotable quotes. i think that depending on where you're at different ones stick with you, but i guess that's like anything. you find a deeper meaning in something, if you are searching for something deeper. lately, i have once again been trying to figure out what the heck i am supposed to do with my life. is the path that i'm on really the journey i want to take? do i just keep circulating to appear productive? am i just trying to hide my failures behind a vail of movement? do i just create a situation where i have to think about the moment and what needs to happen next, therefore not ever having to stop and think about what really needs to be done? will i ever just figure it out? be sorta kinda happy with the choice made? what is holding me back from accomplishing what i want to do?

then i pick up walden again and read, and reread the same quote over and over and over again.

"Public opinion is a weak tyrant compared with our own private opinion. What a man thinks of himself, that is which determines, or rather indicates, his fate."

it really hit a chord. it's been resonating all morning. i believe that the only thing that has ever held me back, is myself. my opinion of myself, which may have be molded and shaped by outside influences, but ultimately my own.

so what comes next? i don't know exactly. is the rerun that has been my life going to become some new episodes? or am i doomed to some groundhog day repeats forever?